Sex Industry Yelp Reviews

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January 16, 2013 by truckstopcomedy

A lot of people have been in correspondence with Yelp trying to get their reviews of working males and females in the sex industry published on Yelp, so that others may read the reviews and be wiser when making their decisions.Yelp hasn’t budged in their stance to not publish these reviews, but luckily, some of the “Johns” and “Johnesses” have reached out to Truck Stop and we aren’t bitches so we decided to publish some of their reviews. The others are being reviewed by the Truck Stop legal counsel. Now we couldn’t disclose everything, but we’ve tried to keep most of the important things in each review for added helpfulness:

Prostitute by Bank of America ATM, Upper West Side

Price Range: $$$

Good for Groups: No

Outdoor Seating: No

“John 1”: I had just got off the subway and was super horny because I saw this MTA worker scratching her ass. I tried to get a whiff of her fingers when she walked by me, but I didn’t want to look too suspicious. Anyway I figured I would just smack my hog while wearing pantyhose when I got home, but when I was getting money out of the ATM by my apartment, she approached me and asked if I was looking for company. We went back to my apartment and got to business. I put on some fresh dress socks and starting going to town. She was so nice in her sex compliments that I erupted (like Mount Saint Helen’s! OH YEAHHHHAHAHA) in about 3 minutes. She took $230 out of my wallet while I was jizzing up a storm, then she left. Definitely a lot of bang for your buck 😉 Three out of five stars.

Hooker from Strip Club in New Jersey

Price Range: $$

WiFi: No

Alcohol: Drunk

“John…sonwrangler1”: I drove out to this strip club on a Friday night to get my stick slick, figuring I would find some sex or be able to pay off a stripper. I had won some money in court after getting hit by a Vespa in the city last October. I went into the strip club, but got kicked out because I clogged the toilet in the women’s bathroom. On my way out I saw Jamaar. Or at least that was the name that was tattooed across her back. I negotiated a sweet price after bringing her a glass of beer with a shot of milk dropped in it (A “Momb”). In the back of my car we started the bangin’. The rustling of the fast food wrappers under our feet provided sweet music to our love making. After that she asked me drop her off at a marsh in the Meadowlands. No shitting, but definitely a lot of bang for your buck 😉 . Four out of five stars.

Male Escort Ordered from Public Access TV, New York City

Price: $$

Attire: Formal (Jacket Required)

Wheelchair Accessible: Yes

“Johness”: I am a 54 year old single woman living in Manhattan. One Friday night I was watching Byrdbrains and had just enough Riesling to give a call to one of the male escort services that are advertised. I told them to send a poolboy who has forgotten how to wear pants. Within the hour they sent over a boy named REDACTED. He was 27 and wearing a royal blue speedo, shirt cuffs, but also pant leg cuffs. I don’t know how he got over to my apartment dressed like that. He wasn’t even wearing shoes! Once he got inside I put on some Michael Bolton and he danced for me while I watched pre-recorded Barefoot Contessa and read a People magazine. After that I had him bathe me in my shower. I let him use my credit card to order whatever he wanted to eat and told him to leave his speedo when he left. He didn’t. But still a lot of “bang for your buck ;). Four out of five stars.

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